Almost One!!!!!
The Baby Chase Chronicle...
It was nearly a year ago today that I met my son Chase. Mid February last year I attended a baby shower that was the groundwork for the spiritual journey of the most pure form of love I have ever encountered. That shower was held for John and I in honor of Chase's coming out or arrival. I had not yet acknowledged, although 8 and a half months pregnant, that I would actually meet my son and be given the opportunity to know his beautiful self. During my pregnancy I was filled with hope yet daunted by fear of the what ifs. I held onto each and every day getting physically and remarkably much larger with a human being growing inside of me. I was informed frequently through prenatal visits, ultra sounds, and echocardiograms that it appeared that Chase was not struggling inside of me to survive. He did not have to breathe on his own; I was doing that for him. I was also told that of the status of his prediscovered heart condition and that it remained consistent (not getting worse). I knew when I delivered him that he would die soon without immediate intervention. John and I prepared as best we knew how with a team of expert Heart Surgeons, a team of Cardiologists, medical Doctors, and loving support of our family, and friends. Chase took his first breath on March 1, 2004 which was quickly replaced with a ventilator and lots of monitors. We watched and listened to new sounds that quickly became all encompassing. There were all sorts of beeps, alarms, and penetrating breaths to digest when staring bedside. The nurses were assigned to one patient and their work was very intricate and critical in the ICU unit. Within an hour of delivering Chase they wheeled a hospital grade breast pump into my room to begin the process of getting breast milk to my son. I did this every 3 hours for months to come. I did what I had to do to get my son the liquid gold he deserved. I took to it with strong conviction because it made me feel connected to him and that I could nurture his fragile existence. I could not hold him, his eyes were shut, and he was hooked up to lots of equipment. We whispered all sorts of things in his ears, but mostly that we loved him and wanted him to come home. We humanized the environment and played Nora Jones bedside and decorated his space. He was so tiny and he laid so still all the time. I could have never imagined how gut wrenching the time while he was at the hospital would be. The days at the hospital were intense and the nights at home without him were empty. I found that I had to live my life despite circumstance and found the ability to laugh when I felt I should cry. I bonded with my husband, I connected to other families and their traumas, and I realized that this was my life and I was not alone. I experienced real compassion for the first time in my life. Chase was at the hospital for 6 long weeks and then he was released. Homelife was quiet compared to the hospital without monitors. I sensed a level of peace had come over Chase. Our son's heart condition did not consume me at home. In a way, I did not think about it much at all. I realized, he is a miracle and his life is completely out of my hands at this point. I have a part and that is to love him entirely and it is the most natural emotion I have ever felt.I am full when I gaze into his eyes, share a smile, watch him sleep, or listen to his expressive breath. He is a brilliant light source. He is just a baby boy discovering himself and the world around him. We spent the month of August back at the hospital for round 2 of his 3 stage surgeries. It was no easier, yet necessary.
He has blue eyes, blond hair, a gorgeous smile, a rich laugh,and two budding bottom teeth. His personality is engaging and his disposition mellow. His heart is special and so is he. I feel a tinge of sadness for those that do not have the extreme pleasure of knowing him. Chase has a brave heart that lingers in your soul!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will celebate his first birthday soon. He has forever enriched my life. He has changed my perception of what is normal. What started out as different or challenging is now normal for us.
He is the love of our lives. He is a part of me that grew inside my body for 9 months and is now so independent of me. The value of his life has impacted my life so deeply. I now know how valuable everyone's life is. Why would I not want to spend my time on Earth passionately living. I do whatever it takes to get the job done. I am walking prouder and with a sense of true purpose. Joseph Chase Coughlin is at the center of love...He is all about loving and being loved. Thank you for your support, prayers, thoughts, and kind gestures in regard to our son. He is alive
and we celebrate his life.
Love,
Chase's adoring Mama.
PS: the road less traveled is abundant with its rewards.
It was nearly a year ago today that I met my son Chase. Mid February last year I attended a baby shower that was the groundwork for the spiritual journey of the most pure form of love I have ever encountered. That shower was held for John and I in honor of Chase's coming out or arrival. I had not yet acknowledged, although 8 and a half months pregnant, that I would actually meet my son and be given the opportunity to know his beautiful self. During my pregnancy I was filled with hope yet daunted by fear of the what ifs. I held onto each and every day getting physically and remarkably much larger with a human being growing inside of me. I was informed frequently through prenatal visits, ultra sounds, and echocardiograms that it appeared that Chase was not struggling inside of me to survive. He did not have to breathe on his own; I was doing that for him. I was also told that of the status of his prediscovered heart condition and that it remained consistent (not getting worse). I knew when I delivered him that he would die soon without immediate intervention. John and I prepared as best we knew how with a team of expert Heart Surgeons, a team of Cardiologists, medical Doctors, and loving support of our family, and friends. Chase took his first breath on March 1, 2004 which was quickly replaced with a ventilator and lots of monitors. We watched and listened to new sounds that quickly became all encompassing. There were all sorts of beeps, alarms, and penetrating breaths to digest when staring bedside. The nurses were assigned to one patient and their work was very intricate and critical in the ICU unit. Within an hour of delivering Chase they wheeled a hospital grade breast pump into my room to begin the process of getting breast milk to my son. I did this every 3 hours for months to come. I did what I had to do to get my son the liquid gold he deserved. I took to it with strong conviction because it made me feel connected to him and that I could nurture his fragile existence. I could not hold him, his eyes were shut, and he was hooked up to lots of equipment. We whispered all sorts of things in his ears, but mostly that we loved him and wanted him to come home. We humanized the environment and played Nora Jones bedside and decorated his space. He was so tiny and he laid so still all the time. I could have never imagined how gut wrenching the time while he was at the hospital would be. The days at the hospital were intense and the nights at home without him were empty. I found that I had to live my life despite circumstance and found the ability to laugh when I felt I should cry. I bonded with my husband, I connected to other families and their traumas, and I realized that this was my life and I was not alone. I experienced real compassion for the first time in my life. Chase was at the hospital for 6 long weeks and then he was released. Homelife was quiet compared to the hospital without monitors. I sensed a level of peace had come over Chase. Our son's heart condition did not consume me at home. In a way, I did not think about it much at all. I realized, he is a miracle and his life is completely out of my hands at this point. I have a part and that is to love him entirely and it is the most natural emotion I have ever felt.I am full when I gaze into his eyes, share a smile, watch him sleep, or listen to his expressive breath. He is a brilliant light source. He is just a baby boy discovering himself and the world around him. We spent the month of August back at the hospital for round 2 of his 3 stage surgeries. It was no easier, yet necessary.
He has blue eyes, blond hair, a gorgeous smile, a rich laugh,and two budding bottom teeth. His personality is engaging and his disposition mellow. His heart is special and so is he. I feel a tinge of sadness for those that do not have the extreme pleasure of knowing him. Chase has a brave heart that lingers in your soul!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will celebate his first birthday soon. He has forever enriched my life. He has changed my perception of what is normal. What started out as different or challenging is now normal for us.
He is the love of our lives. He is a part of me that grew inside my body for 9 months and is now so independent of me. The value of his life has impacted my life so deeply. I now know how valuable everyone's life is. Why would I not want to spend my time on Earth passionately living. I do whatever it takes to get the job done. I am walking prouder and with a sense of true purpose. Joseph Chase Coughlin is at the center of love...He is all about loving and being loved. Thank you for your support, prayers, thoughts, and kind gestures in regard to our son. He is alive
and we celebrate his life.
Love,
Chase's adoring Mama.
PS: the road less traveled is abundant with its rewards.
posted by The Coughlins at 5:05 PM
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